Short Description
Our time is defiantly different from their time. The life styles might be different as well.
As parents, we all have skipped the age of being a teen and most of us now are on the other bank of the river watching ourselves in someone else’s shoes and watching our young children growing in the same manner we grew while emotional turbulence occurs in between the two banks we are in.
Bringing up children is not an easy task. No matter how many articles we read, every parent would be handling a different circumstance each day while bringing up his or her children. Children in their early stage could be molded according to our whims and fancies. But not when they turn teens.
Teenage
Teenage could be equaled to a hurricane. However we try and whatever we do as parents, they are definitely going to do what they want to do, regardless of what we expect from them.
So does that mean nothing is left in our hands? Does that mean that we have to let them do whatever they want? No, it doesn’t mean that we are left with nothing to do but firstly, we must remember that we too used to be teenagers one day.
Now and then
Our time is defiantly different from their time. The life styles might be different as well. But remember; remember that the feelings and emotions are the same. Perhaps we didn’t have social networks to spend our leisure on but still we had another way of spending our leisure.
Like we might be yelling now at our kids to log off the computer, there had been a time when our parents yelled at us to stop doing whatever we did and return home with sunset. I can remember there were times when my dad would raise his voice telling us to switch off the lights and go to bed where I would be reading a novel. Same goes with the children of today. So remember that they are not different compared to yourself.
An ongoing conflict
It seems that every teenager thinks alike. And every parent thinks alike. For the teenager, the villainous role is their parents. ‘eww they’ve got plenty of eyes’ probably they would think so. And for every parent their child is a brat ‘he is up to no good’.
“These days’ kids would never listen. They don’t respect the elders and they are spoiled” this phrase is commonly used by the elders from every generation. I’m sure my grandparents used it, I’ve heard my parents saying so and I hear people from my generation sharing this very same feeling.
“They are old. They never know the word fun and they will never understand what to be like a teenager” this is the common feeling shared among the teenagers, yesterday’s, todays’ and tomorrow’s teenagers would feel the very same manner.
How to deal with them?
What you disliked as a teenager would be disliked by your child too. If you disliked lengthy lectures to hear from your parents then don’t even bother to sit and give a lecture to your child. Teenagers hate lectures. They don’t want us to always play the role of a teacher and point out on everything. There’s always a way how tactfully to handle them.
Have you gained anything when your parents gave you lengthy lectures? Of course you would admire those golden words once you become a parent or an adult with responsibilities. But how many times your mind would wander on something else while your parent gave you a lengthy lecture?
Don’t tell, show how
Rather than giving a lengthy lecture, be brief and to the point so that your effort would be much effective. When I was a teenager, I often loved to tune off lectures. So would do my child. Rather than explaining how difficult it has been for you to bring them up and explaining to them how lucky they are to be granted with many things, give them to experience what you intend to teach them.
It is true that there are plenty of poor and needy people and we have to teach our children not to be choosy. But we mustn’t go on and on explaining the calamities people face. Instead, ask them to join you in preparing a meal for needy people and show them how lucky they are to help such people in the society. Your scream for wasting food won’t help your child gain nutrition nor would it help the needy people.
Be tactful
My son is four years old. When he demands for a toy and when I strictly say ‘no, you have too many toys’ he doesn’t withdraw his demand. Instead, he becomes stubborn and throws tantrums. But when I say to him ‘Insha’Allah, ask Allah to give you whatever you want and thank Him for what you already have’, then he calms down and do what I asked him to do. And gradually when he thanks Allah, he remembers the toys that he neglected. So, he starts playing with what he has.
Same goes with the teenagers too.
When your teenager demands to have a bicycle, you don’t have to strike down promptly. You can show interest in what he requests. Talk about the brand he wants, the color he prefers. And gradually discuss about the price of the object your child wants. Then, tactfully you can tell him that you have plans for this month’s salary and briefly explain what they are.
Don’t deny his request but you can say Insha’Allah you would consider it. And these are the best moments for you to make your child learn to seek Allah’s favors. This way, Allah helps you to ease your problem with your teenager. If you strictly said, ‘no’ the child would start comparing you to the parents of his friends and draw a gap between you and him.
http://www.onislam.net/english/family/moms-and-dads/parents-teens-relations/469083-things-to-remember-while-raising-up-your-teenager.html
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